That’s Adrian on the left and me (Ed) on the right. We’ve been together for NINE, MONOGAMOUS years. Yes, we do exist. We met online, and I fell in love with him the first time I saw him in person. Some gay men think they’ll get bored being with the same guy, but I am constantly falling in love with Adrian over and over again. Most recently, I watched him playing with our two youngest nephews (2 & 3), and all I could think was, “I cannot wait to be married to this man and raise kids with him.” He’s not my boyfriend, my partner, my lover, or my significant other. Adrian is my family.
http://eds365photochallenge.tumblr.com/ (more pics of Adrian here) or follow our family @PolitksnPengwns
Jesus Christ - this kind of shit makes me angry. Look, you partnered up with someone and kept it in your fucking pants. Do you want a fucking cookie? Just because you ascribed to some heteronormative, Christian ideology doesn’t make you better than people who don’t ascribe to those roles. You want to know who else exists? People who don’t elevate themselves by slut-shaming and monopolizing the definition of a relationship.
I’m happy that you’re happy - but fuck off if you’re going to patronize those who don’t fit those roles. You know who else exists? People who don’t need to define their relationship by those you sleep with.
Wait wait, so gay people who decide to be monogamous are living a ” heteronormative, Christian ideology” life? That’s the most amusing thing I have ever read. I don’t care if people want to be monogamous or have an open relationship, but it seriously cracks my shit up when people decide to NOT have an open relationship or sleep with other people they are accused of living a “hetero” life. Why is that? Who the fuck cares. I’m with you on the whole “don’t force your shit on someone else”, but really? Calling it a heteroish life just comes off as sour.
In the end if someone wants to live and love and fuck only ONE person while dating, who cares? It doesn’t make them want to conform to society or hetero life, it’s what they want. Just like if someone wants to fuck around on their partner, or have an open relationship. It’s what they decide. Because if we’re going to call people living that life a “hetero wannabe life” I can think of a few terms for those who choose to live an open relationship lifestyle.
At the end of the day, who cares. People are happy, leave it at that.
It’s heteronormative to think that marriage somehow legitimizes a relationship. Christian ideology drives the force behind this thinking. I’m not saying that they can’t be monogamous nor am I saying I don’t condone it - For all I care, they could be whatever they want to be
But to imply, that because they are monogamous that they are, at its core, better than those who aren’t is what pisses me off. Snarky lines like “We’ve been together for NINE, MONOGAMOUS years. Yes, we do exist,” only emphasizes the fact that if you’re not monogamously partnered then it is something to be ashamed of. Which it isn’t.
At the end of the day, monogamy trumps all other forms of relationship and sexual expression and that is fucked up. Because it sets up horrible, rigid relationship archetypes that say, “If you don’t find a relationship, marry and have kids - then you are perceived to be a failure.”
Perpetuation of an ideal that is in a position of privilege is nothing to be lauded about. Those who are single, multiple-coupled, polyamourous, what have you, are inherently shunned and disadvantaged by society at large.
I’m happy for the guys, really - but the description was unnecessary, rude and alienating.
I just stumbled on this discussion, and I thought I would help end the speculation and assumptions. You don’t have to guess what we think. I’ll tell you. Make up your own mind. We are unapologetic about who we are. We don’t ask for or need anyone’s approval or acceptance, and that’s what’s important. Live your life however you want, and, as long as it makes you happy, screw what everyone else thinks. We don’t judge or think we’re better than anyone, so please don’t project beliefs onto us that we do not hold. I mentioned monogamy because no one ever told either of us as gay men that it was an option. We both wanted it when we were younger and gave up on finding it. It made us cynical, and we put walls up around our hearts. We’re saying, “If you want true love, however you define it, it’s real. Don’t give up on your dreams the way we did and have to work your way back to what you’ve hidden behind that impenetrable fortress guarding your heart.” If I’m guilty of anything, it’s being a hopeless, sappy romantic. I found a man who loves me so much that he melted away the ice and tore down the walls that had guarded my heart for years. I’m speaking up for all the guys who, deep in their hearts, still want to believe in “happily ever after.” It’s real, but it’s a hell of a lot of work. Our relationship isn’t always pretty, and it’s seldom easy. However, we’re willing to do the work, because, when we get it right, we love with our entire hearts unencumbered by the damage done by ex-boyfriends or that guy who pretended he liked us until he got what he wanted and then had no idea who we were. True love is real. That’s the only thing I’m trying to say. Define it however you want - open, closed, two or more partners, men and women, or fleshlight and a blow-up doll. Every kind of relationship - real, imagined, and hypothetical - is defended above with the exception of ours. I think it’s kinda funny that people would go to the trouble of defending alternative relationships by pouncing on an unapologetic, openly gay couple and accuse us of pouncing on people who might have hurt feelings, maybe, after reading my original description. There’s a logical fallacy in there somewhere, but I’ll let someone else figure it out. The important thing is, if you’re reading this, do what makes you happy. If it’s what you want, take a chance. Love fearlessly! Don’t apologize to anyone for who you are or how you love.